Here's the rundown on Grief Camps for Kids ....

Introduction to Bereavement Process with Horses

You may experience grief as a mental, physical, social or emotional reaction. Mental reactions can include anger, guilt, anxiety, sadness and despair. Physical reactions can include sleeping problems, changes in appetite, physical problems or illness.  Many therapies follow the stages of grief as defined according to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance).  Oftentimes, clients report that the therapies are scripted and often follow a template that does not necessary consider their own individual grief process. 

 

Negotiating the grieving process alongside a horse allows for a more individualized and client centered approach that begins right where YOU are.  Horses meet us right where we need them most thereby making this approach unique to each individual and at the pace most comfortable for them to heal.   Whether a young child, teenager or adult – we all grieve as individuals and every situation is different, therefore how this part of life is processed is just as unique and individual.  The horses don’t know the “cookie cutter” all they know is what is true, so for each human being that is suffering a loss – the horses will take a fresh approach to what is needed most or least by that person and their situation.  The horses also help to keep us focused on the individuality of this process as well as the unique and creative solutions that are available to us all.

Complicated Grief and Acceptance with Horses

In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the death and resuming your own life.  Oftentimes, this may include a sudden death incident, suicide, and trauma or crime victims.  Complicated grief is an intensified form of grief that has its own therapeutic considerations.  Incorporating the horse as a key element of the treatment team allows for processing at the non-verbal level.  Individuals may oftentimes, given the violent nature of the event, left un-rendered to speak or communicate about the events. In fact, there is research to suggest that “talking” can exacerbate the grieving process.  Horses provide a gentle, non-verbal opportunity for self-reflecting and introspection.  Exercises are centered on instilling resilience, overcoming fears and negotiating bonding.  We also encourage “just being” with the horses in a space that feels safe, sometimes having a moment of peace at this sensitive time can greatly reduce mind chatter of the “shoulda, woulda, couldas”. Horses provide numerous opportunities to feel a sense of peace just by simply being in their presence.

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Long Term Bereavement Release with Horses

Individuals may find themselves suffering months or years after a loss.  The effects of long-term grief are oftentimes overlooked by those around the person.  Long after the memorials, and commemorations the individual may wonder when they will ever recover.  Does this grief ever really go away?   Horses teach us about change, relationships, and adjusting.  It is because of their “prey” animal status that their very survival depends on how quickly, truthfully and resiliently they adjust.

Grief Reins has created specific activities with the horses to help children and teens as either individuals or groups cope with grief and bereavement:

• Expressing your feelings to a horse can be a way to vocalize without compromise

• Using art and creative expression as an outlet – “Horseshoe Memorial” and “Body painting on Horses”

• Activities with the horses are focused primarily on intention and body language, this can be very revealing if you are struggling with emotional release

• Interacting with the horses will take you into the present moment and provide a respite of peace and focus

• Activities with the horses can provide a truthful resiliency and renewed self-confidence which can be lacking in a time of mourning

 

Children’s Bereavement Workshops:

With loss and children, horses are a powerful metaphor.  Interacting with horses enables a child to be in control of themselves as well as “something so much bigger than they are.” They enjoy the warmth and special bond that exist between horses and humans, while at the same time find themselves empowered and resilient to be safe and strong in an environment that may seem foreign and unnatural to them.  Simply put, sharing grief with horses works.

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Grief Reins will offer a program of therapeutic intervention designed specifically to assist bereaved children cope with the loss of a loved one and find hope and resilience.  Groups of up to ten children related in age or family groups will work with a Certified Grief Specialist, and equine specialist and horses selected specifically for their capacity to work with individuals who are troubled or suffering in spirit.

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Younger children will be guided through animal therapy type activities with horses or ponies.  Our teen program will include activities where the horses will be intermingled in free-will (loose) with the participants in a safe enclosed space where we set about specific activities and exercises designed to open doors for thoughts and emotions.  The consulting team comprised of our Certified Grief Specialist and equine specialist (as well as specialists/experts within children’s bereavement, art and music therapy) will work with the participants in the both the younger and older group to help them understand their emotions, their body language and the horses reactions to them.  

 

The horses will offer chances for the children to find renewed self-confidence, ways to conquer fears, and to learn more about and accept the mixed emotions that accompany grief and bereavement in real time (in-vivo).  And, of course, the consulting team will guide the processing of issues that arise from interactions with the horses and help each child incorporate a set of coping and resilience skills that they can then take with them into their real lives.

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The workshop will also include components of traditional grief therapy such as journaling and/or construction of memory projects, but only if a child chooses to participate.  And each child will be guided by a peer who has also experienced the loss of a loved one in activities to promote quiet interaction with the horses.  Some of the activities will include grooming of the horses, interaction with one another, painting memory murals on the horses, and  simply “being” with the horses if a child so chooses.  These activities will promote the peace and calming proven effective with all animal assisted therapy.

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Children can attend one or several of our workshops as they are designed to meet the unique needs of the participants. Grief Reins takes a 'Spiritual Approach' to the grieving process using a Native American approach.  

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It Take a Warrior to Grieve

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Children learn through play and will assist in creating 'The Talking Stick' that will be passed to each person as they share and discuss memories of their special person.  The others in the group will begin to identify that they are not alone, as acceptance to the group emerges.  This allows each person to take down the walls and share openly in the presence of 'The Great Spirit' otherwise known in the Christian world as "The Holy Spirit' with serves as our constant guide.  Yes, we are faith based in our approach to healing and we want children to place their faith, direction in life, and the ability to be healed in the Lord's Hands.  

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Once we share our stories, we head to the barn and introduce ourselves to our 'Warrior Horse(s).  This is where the children begin to understand that they don't have to carry the burden of grief alone.  They have their stories, and their Warrior Horses have a story too.  Most of the horses are rescues, and they have their own story of loss to share.  The Equine Specialist will explain the horses stories of loss, grief, and in some cases neglect to allow the heart of each child to give much compassion for their Warrior Horse.  This will serve both the griever and the horse as they learn more about what grief came to teach us.  

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The creative side of our program allows the children to participate in 'Feather Painting' and the feather represent the spiritual aspects of Angels who protect us, guide us, and take our prayers to the Throne Room.  The feathers are used to decorate the horses when we spend our last day together.  They will also create a 'Memorial Stone' that they will paint, and place a small photo of their loved one.  These stones can be kept, or placed in a local park, a favorite fishing spot at the lake, or placed in the backyard garden.  The stone is offered to the special person from the child's heart that displays their heart, "I will always remember you".  

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Journaling is an important part of our time together as each child will record special memories, that they will only share with their Warrior Horse.  Memories are good, but when death or divorce occurs, their is also pain that children can carry in their hearts.  Writing a letter to their special person will allow each child the opportunity to say 'Thank you for ... I am sorry for the time I .... and more importantly, I forgive you for ...."

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This releases and frees the child from feelings of guilt, and opens up more heart space for the good things in life.  Children look at death and divorce differently than adults.  They sometime feel responsible, have regrets for not saying that final I love you, or goodbye to their special person.  These emotions can be carried over long periods of time and effects their mental health as they grow into adulthood.  

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The goal is to give each child a safe place to simply share their hearts, and release any emotions that will not serve them in a healthy manner later on in life.  Eating something to feel better usually teaches a child to turn to food for comfort.  We want the children to turn to the Lord instead.  They can write letters to The Great Spirit, and share their hearts with Him.  Telling a child to give it some time is not helpful either, but showing them what they can do with that time is vital to their mental health as this allows them to not carry all of that unresolved grief.

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The Final Ceremony

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The last day of Grief Reins is where the children will use Native American Symbols and paint there Warrior Horse.  They will choose the colors and symbols to allow The Warrior Horse the carry any load that may feel too heavy for them.  Each symbol represents their grief, gratitude, and promise to hold their thoughts captive in order to guard their hearts.  Forgiveness, appreciation, and symbols of friendship, love, and trusting the process allows the children to express emotions that cannot be verbalized, to be drawn on the horse.  Each child has the option to share with the group, the meaning of each symbol.  

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The children are now Grief Warriors.  They too will paint their faces as Grief Warriors to represent the struggles, and the determination to heal their hearts.  Grief can be messy, and misunderstood and to become a Grief Warrior teaches each participant that they are not alone on this painful journey.  They can honor their special person, remember them with more love and joy, and allow the Warrior Horse to carry any pain they need to lay down at the feet of The Great Spirit.  

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Once the horses are painted, the children will lead their horse around, to display their load, and ask the Great Spirit to heal both the horse and the warrior.  Then the Cleansing Ceremony begins.  Starting at the feet of the horse, each grief warrior will begin washing their Warrior Horse.  This is a powerful visualization as the painted symbols wash down into the earth to absorb and drink in the powerful prayers that will replenish our earth for goodness, kindness, and mercy to grow instead of the painful load. 

 

Parents are encouraged to attend the Final Ceremony as a part of The Great Witness to better understand how their child receives The Badge of Honor and displayed much courage, gave support, encouraged others, and took part in their own inner healing. 

They are Grief Warriors.