Loss comes through your front door - Loss is hard. Although everyone handles grief differently, I’m convinced that nobody handles it easily.
I do not believe in workbook based healing or the need to provide any type of curriculum that people follow in order to heal from loss. I have been working with people for a long time and the old concept of having “The Five Stages of Grief” created by Kubler-Ross is merely an outdated dialog that can be used as a guide during loss.
I have discovered by working with countless of individuals that there is a new way people go through the grief journey. I have created my version below.
Five Stages of Grief - REVISED:
Willingness & Expectations The individual must be “Willing” to be healed.
Healing is a choice.Not everyone chooses to be healed.It all depends on what they have been taught and what they “believe” about grief and healing. I will ask participants questions like, “What are you expectations about grief?”“What are you expecting to feel?I have kept good notes about what people about grief. (Beliefs is Stage Four)
Break Through. This is what I refer to as going through The Wilderness. This is a place where you go through those really tough emotions. I assist you in truly embracing those raw emotions and teach you how to express it.
This is where a lot of the growth happens. You will learn how to go through – but not stay there. You will begin to be able to tell your story and realize that the pain is diminishing. You are actually beginning to really FEEL the healing taking place.
Self-Care. This is the stage where you'll learn about taking care and loving “Self.” You have to learn that you deserve to be healed. Loss can bring about much guilt and remorse. You will discover how we talk to “Self” during this stage. We live in society that has taught us to give to others to the point that we sometimes neglect self care.
Beliefs. Stage Four is where we re-visit what you have learned about your beliefs. Are you holding on to old beliefs and patterns? You are now beginning to ask, “Why do I need to keep the grief?”
I start here in order to find out what have you been taught about the grieving process. We determine if any of these beliefs are true and how they may be assisting or stopping your willingness to heal.
Grief is Love.
Grief is a way to stay connected.
Grief is keeping their memory alive.
If I stop grieving, my loved one will be forgotten. My grief keeps them alive and proves my love for them.
The severity of my grief shows everyone how much I cared for my loved one.
Death has two sides. Now that we have looked within yourself and faced your own darkness about what you believe about grief, it’s time to ask, “What was the beauty that my loved one has deposited in my life?” This final stage teaches you that beauty can come from the ashes of death. You are now near completion and it is time to put together a ceremony of celebration. This final phase is where I will ask you to join me on a retreat in order to celebrate the healing and look deeply at your future.
Yes, the time has come to REBUILD.