To say the least, my grief journey guided me to my calling. I don't recall a single moment in my lifetime that I woke up one morning and said, "I believe I will help people heal during their deepest grief." Nope, not one time did I decide that grief would be my calling. I didn't choose grief ... Grief chose me.
As you already know, grief is a powerful, emotional, and isolated journey. I have come to bear witness, that this is how it is meant to be. I have listened to literally thousands of grieving hearts and have experienced the helplessness of when they isolate from me. Through my personal prayer life, I know without a doubt, that God was creating a space for them to come to him. This was not taken personally by me anymore, as Jesus is the true source of revealing one's heart to themselves. They are physically and mentally exhausted, they are depleted of energy, and their logical minds are attempting to sort things our as their cries come to the surface and they scream out, "WHY? Why is this happening to me?" I, myself have cried this very cry many times. My logical brain goes into search mode and comes back with the only logical answer, "Why Not?" UGH!
This alone, taught me to ask a different question in that cry - "God, Where are you in this!" My UGH turns into an Ah-Ha Moment. Jesus begins to reveal himself in the situation and His Word reveals everything I need to know. I have exhausted myself in searching for what the Bible says about grief, death, broken relationships, and every other kind of loss including health, dreams, and purpose. It has been quite a journey as the pieces of the puzzle of life begins to come together and fit perfectly into my own calling.
One scripture always seem to come to the surface - John 8:5 - 5One man there had been an invalid for thirty-eight years. 6When Jesus saw him lying there and realized that he had spent a long time in this condition, He asked him, “Do you want to get well?”
7“Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am on my way, someone else goes in before me.”
8Then Jesus told him, “Get up, pick up your mat, and walk.”
9Immediately the man was made well, and he picked up his mat and began to walk.
Now pay special attention to what Jesus asked him in verse 6 - "Do you want to be well?" This one question alone is a question I always ask people who come to me with their grief. DO YOU WANT TO BE WELL? It is a simple yes or no answer. Yet, the man answered, "I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred." This is the reply that revealed to me that no one on this earth can heal another without the Presence of the Lord. This is what reveal to me, my own personal calling. I am just a vessel, to hold the hands of the ones who are paralyzed by some sort of grief. My personal tapestry of my own grief journey has become even more detailed and beautiful to look at today. There are many bright, colorful and beautiful colors within my own tapestry of life, yet it is the darker threads, the dark threads that were meant of evil and to keep me paralyzed, that were part of my pain, that made the other colors just pop!
The dark threads vary in size ... but just take in how that darkness defines your own tapestry. I wanted to include some sort of visual to allow you to see for yourself, that we all have dark days and seasons of life, and the importance of what it came to teach us. We have a choice to make in that darkness. We can either remained paralyzed in it for years, or we can pick up our mats and walk into those healing waters. Does that make sense? I am grateful for how my tapestry is turning out so far. I can see the pain of the darkness, and I can also see my time spent with my Creator who truly revealed my part of that darkness. He is willing and waiting to do the same for you too. You just need to answer Him when he asks, "Do you want to be well?" If you answer 'Yes' - You are about to step into the most beautiful parts of your grief journey.
You need to be willing to allow time to step into Eternity - This is known as KAIROS. You will be shown every single loss that your time on this earth has done to your heart. Some of you still have a soft pliable heart, and some of you may be like I once was, you look at a heart that has been hardened. I know I used to be so angry - then I learned that my anger was based in fear. Fears are powerful if you allow them to be ... my fears were based in my fear of abandonement, my fear of not being accepted, my fear of being abused. But like Job, my worst fears came true, mainly because I placed so much focus on them. The darkness grew, I turned to alcohol for a short season, and the my life just got darker from that point. This revealed to me the why so many people are addicted. They are just trying to escape the pain of their lives.
Unresolved grief is everywhere. Just turn on your local news. It is world wide. Humanity calls it Mental Illness. I see it as a spiritual battle. Humanity is crying out for some sort of Light. These calls are being heard. Revivals are breaking out world wide, but the local news channels are reluctant to talk about it. What would happen if we all just 5-10 minutes per day to just bow our heads, pray for humanity, and pray with expectation? What would happen if we asked in prayer for God to reveal where is is in all of this chaos? I've asked and He does show me where he is. He will do the same for you.
I encourage you, if you're still reading, to ask The Light of this World, Jesus to sit with you in your pain. Prepare your heart for what He will whisper to your eternal spirit. He wants to heal you if you want to be well. He will sit in your pain with you, and he will show you where He is in that pain, whether it is a pain from the past or in current day. He is The Great Physician, our Healer, our Comforter, and He is the Truth & the Light. Do you trust him with your pain? I pray so, as your grief journey will be filled with tender moments as He turns your ashes to beauty.
From my heart, to yours,
Kim
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