NOTE: All Rights of this video go to Disney Studios. I do not own nor claim any rights to this video.
Falling down the Rabbit Holes in Grief is far too familiar to so many of us. As you watch this video, take notes on all the things Alice does as she is falling.
The first thing I noticed is she "free falls" as she enters the darkness of the rabbit hole. Suddenly, she begins to "float" as her dress serves as a parachute. It's like a dream state of mind. As she is falling, notice how "the world around her seems to get darker and darker." Suddenly, a small lamp appears and her quick thinking tells her to "turn on the light."
She then notices a mirror, and it allows her to remember to "Self reflect" - She must be asking herself, "Is this real?" She continues to float through the chaos she finds herself in, and she sees a small table with some books on it. She grabs a book and begins to flip the pages ... she appears to have a distractions you know, "a small escape from her reality," and suddenly a grandfather clock appears. The clock is ticking and chiming reminding her of the time. She then lands in a rocking chair as if to say, "I don't care about the time at this point."
She casually drops her book to the wayside, and places her hands behind her head as appears to try to attempt some much needed rest. She is startled back into her reality and notices how her world has been flipped upside down. As she realizes she has returned back to where it all started, she sees the rabbit again and runs after him in a desperate state to catch up to him.
Rabbit Holes delay our healing.
Alice allowed herself to chase after a rabbit who ran by screaming, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date." She assumed he was late for some sort of party. Her curiosity got the best of her, and she followed him down the rabbit hole. This is what most grieving people do. They follow the leader down the same rabbit hole over and over again.
There are an array of characters we come across inside the rabbit holes. Many are not comfortable with your pain, and avoid you. Or worse, they tell you hurtful things and advise you to just get over it. I cannot count how many times I have heard grieving people add to their grief they are already carrying because they assumed their friends and family would offer more understanding. The truth is they don't know how. They just want you to be the person you used to be before the loss(losses) life has brought you.
If you find yourself down that rabbit hole of grief, you're not alone. Millions of people who suffer deep grief find ourselves there. When we realize that nothing is working to heal our brokenhearts, we desperately try to escape the darkness, the chaos, and the characters who want to fix us, tell us how to feel and what we need to do.
Many of us remain there, and simply pack all that pain in little neat boxes and try to keep them closed. I promise you that if you've done that, you will soon live the old saying that if you don't deal with your grief, your grief will eventually deal with you. You may find yourself escaping your grief with alcohol, television, work, shopping, eating, sleeping, gambling, working out, and even traveling. So what's your rabbit hole of escape? I really want you to think about what you do to avoid the pain.
Now, let's take a look at what you might want to consider. Completion of that relationship. That's what recovery is all about. Completion. Many times, we have so much unspoken words. You know you've heard yourself saying, "I should have ... I could have ... I would have .. If Only." We all do this when someone dies. We drive ourselves straight down that rabbit hole searching for completion. We find all kinds of distractions down there.
We believe the lies that we have to go through the stages .... There are no stages in grief. Those stages were for patients who had received a terminal illness diagnosis. They were put in place merely due to observation of the emotions these patients experienced knowing they were dying. Somehow, it got flipped to being applied to those of us left after their death. This is just one myth we've all believed.
Some people who are in deep grief have sadly become content in the rabbit hole. They are content trying out all the things that seem to take away their pain, even if it's for a little while. Then they start chasing yet another rabbit due to curiousity to see if the next thing works for them. It's truly a waste of time, energy and effort. No pill will take your grief out of you heart - they only numb your thoughts temporarily.
The anxiety you are feeling is due to an unknown future without your person. It's scary to embrace this so called new normal without them. You, like all of us who grieve, just want our old lives back. Yet we wake up each day only to face the fears over and over again, they are not coming back. Every single griever is at a different beginning and we are all seeking to rebuild a new life. Sadly, many of us just don't know how to begin. We don't have the right tools and it feels like painting a house with a screwdriver. It's a slow and painful process.
Here's a question for you. Do you carry any kind of guilt since your person died? Do you find yourself wishing things could have been different, better or more? Do you ever wish you could have told them how grateful you were when they __________ for you? Have you ever wished you could have apologized for something you did or said to them? Did they die before you had the opportunity to forgive them for something they did or said to you?
If you answered, yes to any of these questions, you would greatly benefit from recovery. You can complete those relationships and heal your heart. You will also have the tools for loss no matter what life throws at you. I work my recovery to this very day ... I have been serving hurting families for over 23+ years and plan on serving until my last breath. No more rabbit holes for those of us who chose recovery. We now have the tools, the support, and the future is being rebuilt for us. We know where the pieces of the grief puzzle fit and our vision is focused on healing and staying emotionally well for the rest of our lives.
It's not for everyone, but for those of you, like me, are ready to heal, the benefits are forever. All that is required is open honesty, willingness to take the action and do the work, and be prepared to hear your friends and family say things like, "You've changed. What did you do? Did you lose weight or color your hair?" They expect that change to be external - but it's not external change. It's INTERNAL and it's inside of your heart. They just can't put their finger on it. That's okay.
I hope you found some takeaways from the rabbit hole you may find yourself today. Maybe even reflect of the things you did to avoid the pain. Maybe you're still inside the darkness and haven't found the light yet. Time is ticking, and it's not going to heal your pain either. Maybe you're sleeping through it - Maybe you've just felt that jolt after your world has been flipped upside down and you're tired of chasing rabbits. Like I said, we are all in very different areas of loss. Just come where you find yourself if you're ready to experience recovery.
From my heart, to yours - Kim
Commentaires